My family is Jewish and I was raised Jewish. We have Friday night Shabbos dinners every week at Savta's [grandmother in hebrew] house, Savta and I go to Shul [Synagogue] every Shabbos, we celebrate all of the major holidays and festivals together as a family, I went to a Jewish preschool and elementary school, had a Jewish wedding, send Noah to a Jewish school, etc etc, but never felt super "religious" or very observant. Maybe I'm just hung up on terminology, but recently I have suddenly been reinvigorated with faith.
Miracles are real.
During Shabbat services I usually read all of the prayers, sometimes in English to remind myself what we're saying, sing along with the tunes I am familiar with, and listen to the clergy, but usually the most meaningful part is when there is silence and everyone is praying the Amida and I am asking G-d for favors or thanking G-d for great things. Recently I had the task of calling the doctors to schedule Noah's surgery. Actually, the audiology team and Neurologist had been asking me to schedule this since about March, but the task of coordinating an ABR (hearing test), Pressure Equalizer Tubes re-insertion, spinal tap and MRI was too stressful to even think about let alone do! Mom of the year, I know, but the thought of calling all of those doctors and trying to find a day which works for all of them so that we only have to do anesthesiology once sounded harder than ... well, anything! So one shabbos I prayed "Dear G-d, please help me schedule this surgery which Noah needs..." The following Monday morning I get a call from Dr. Chans scheduler. She is only the scheduler for the PE tubes. She tells me we should get those scheduled, I told her for insurance purposes I would like to wait until July 1 and she says, "great, I will coordinate with the other doctors and call you back with a date!" I almost fell out of my chair. Was this a coincidence or a prayer answered? I'm going with the latter. Thanks G-d, that was easy.
After we got Noah's diagnosis of Leukodystrophy, the next step was to await a call from the metabolic specialists to help us narrow down the diagnosis. I couldn't wait. I was grieving and needed answers. I called the metabolic neurology office at Children's hospital and the scheduler said she couldn't help me until she got the referral from the neurologist. Frustrated, I concede.
A few hours later she calls me back and offers the date of August 5th. I was super excited. I called our pediatrician who was shocked we got in so fast and she recommended we get the bloodwork started ASAP so that the labs would be back in time for the appointment. The appointment was more than TWO weeks away, but we ran into the lab first chance they could take us.
I didn't realize when I made the appointment with the metabolic team that it was scheduled on Tisha B'av. For those of you who do not know what this is: From Wikipedia: Tisha B'Av (lit. "the ninth of Av") is an annual fast day in Judaism which commemorates the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem and the subsequent exile of the Jews from the Land of Israel. The day also commemorates other tragedies which occurred on the same day, including the Roman massacre of over 100,000 Jews at Betar in 132 CE. Instituted by the rabbis of 2nd-century present-day Israel, Tisha B'Av is regarded as the saddest day in the Jewish calendar and a day which is destined for tragedy.
Let me just repeat that last sentence: Tisha B'Av is regarded as the saddest day in the Jewish calendar and a day which is destined for tragedy.
Now, I have always been aware of this commemoration, but never was aware of its date (which changes each year on the secular calendar to correspond with he 9th day of Av on the Hebrew calendar), and had never participated in the ritual fast. So naturally I did not notice or try to change his appointment. I got a call last week from the metabolic scheduler and she said she had to push our appointment back to be sure they had the results from Noah's last blood draw. I was so upset when she called, I even tried to plead for them to keep the appointment so we could talk. The more time we wait, the more I feel like there is something we could be doing which we're not. She insisted we move it back, but allowed me to talk with the doctor to ask some questions.
I went into my calendar on my phone to change the date from the 5th to the 19th of August and realize that the original appointment would have fallen on Tisha B'av. Once again: Tisha B'Av is regarded as the saddest day in the Jewish calendar and a day which is destined for tragedy.
This year, I fasted. I fasted from sundown on the 4th to sundown on the 5th to not only commemorate the tragedies of the past, but to thank G-d for the miracles of now and ask for one more. I prayed on that day that I didn't receive a call from the doctor on Tisha B'av.
On August 6th (AKA Ariel's birthday), I received a call from the doctor with good news. The proxisomal disorder they were testing for was negative!!!
Was this a coincidence or a prayer answered? I'm going with the latter.
Noah and I pray every morning and every night for his healing and a long and happy life.
I can't promise I will never eat bacon again or that I will ever be shomer shabbos, but I can say, I am a believer and I am full of hope and have a newly energized sense of faith.
מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם, שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶך
I offer thanks to You, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.
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